Funny Status Messages

   back from commercial break and can now resume ignoring his wife.

   sorry he was late, but had a penalty shoot-out with the ghost of a flea!

   Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

   A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to thespread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

   that person your mother warned you about.

   a pocket full of sunshine

   Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going too?

   My dog is very high-strung. He is part Mini-Schnauzer and part chocolate meth lab.

   11.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

   To say things are going "swimmingly" is always a good thing. Except when you're on a cruise.

   Express Lane: Five beers or less.

   making deposits into her buzz account...

   Some people have no trouble making ends meet. Their foot is always in your mouth!

   girlfriends don't cry.... thats just blackmail

   Feeling like Mr. Pink, although everything is going wrong I'm going to make it out alive!!

   grammar - not just a type of school anymore.

   if you we are in the midst of a text/chat conversation and you insist on suddenly delaying your responses withou informing me why then don't expect me to wait and wonder. I moved on after your first delay.

   purposely walked thru and disrupted a wedding so that I could then whip out mentos and pop one in my mouth and smile and make things all good again

   I hope and pray for the day that seals become domesticated. I already have a saddle picked out for when I take mine for a walk.

   o the US Govt. Infected Guatemalan's with Gonorrhea back in the 50's. 1. Why? 2. I bet it was a social experiment more than medical. "Hey lets see if Miguel can talk his way out of this one."