Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   People better watch their P's & Q's before I start handing out F's and U's...

   : Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, cause I'm the baddest SOB in the valley!

   surrounded by askholes today... yes, "askholes" as in people who constantly ask you stupid questions.

   Jennifer Aniston has the emotional range of the volleyball in "Cast Away" & the comedic timing of a syphilis outbreak.

   Winter: It's like the crazy murderer in a horror movie. Just when you think it's dead, it strikes one last time.

   Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.

   Love is standing on wet cement. The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave and you can never let go without leaving your footprints.

   IRONY,too much Alcohol on a night out causes the loss of the ability to remember, think & reason....

   Alcohol is an Anti-inflammatory & raises good HDL Cholesterol, which helps ward off Dementia....

   Wonders what the 1st person that ate a pineapple was thinking... Hmmm that's a funny looking thing, I believe I'll eat it.

   One of the best feelings in the world is waking up to your room feeling like it's Alaska and you're under 8 layers of blanket.

   Alcohol is an Anti-inflammatory & raises good HDL Cholesterol, which helps ward off Dementia.

   Wonder how long i'll have to stay in Bed before the Bed Bugs eat away at all my fat, saves me going on a diet

   Finals kicked my ass last semester, but this time around, I'm feeling like I've been well trained by the Mr. Miyagi of Finals---just been waxing them on and off, straight up kicking their asses!

   Sorry, I can't follow you on twitter...I'm a leader!

   MONEY can't buy life, but can give you a lot of fake friends. Beware!

   Sorry friends......But from the advice of my lawyer, it's in my best interest not to try out Facebook's new 'Questions' feature tonight : (

   Since "nobody's perfect," I'm gonna go ahead and take the initiative...

   Girls 'round here have kissed so many frogs, they're starting to look like tadpoles. Attractive?! Probably to a water snake or a dragonfly!

   Mother nature is bipolar... I've been trying to get her into therapy but she just threatens me with a hormonal disorder so...