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"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" -- Abraham Lincoln 
❒Flossin' ❒Ballin' ✔Bill Gaten'
Every thing I know about politics, I learned from School House Rocks.
at the current rate of the economy hookers are gonna be giving away toasters soon.
Feels sorry for K-9 drug sniffin dogs on their day off.....what do you mean we're not going to work....you don't understand mannnnn.
2 beers $12, 3 margaritas $15, 4 jello shots $20 dollars, taking home the girl who drank all the above... priceless
My blood type is Dutch Bros.
I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine!
I bought a race horse and named it "my face" just so I can hear women shouting "come on my face!"
I Just Drove Like Six Miles With My Left Turn Signal On...Yep I'm Officially Old! ☹
When trying on pants, even the most vile curse words very rarely make the pants change their mind and fit comfortably.
A cop with a drug sniffing dog said to me "This dog tells me you're on drugs." I said "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs
watching a cooking show full of dumb hosts and arrogant chefs. Yes, I think they should all try the smelly sauerkraut water - and choke to death.
Yeah, yeah. It's Hump Day, but get off my leg, please. I don't like you that much.
My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbour forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible.
That awkward moment when you wish someone Happy Birthday on facebook, only to realize you posted someone else's name on their wall... Darn those fb birthday notifications!
For the past 20 years I've been trying to figure out how to "Stop" Collaborate" and "Listen"
I'm so out of shape, I threw my back out taking a poop!
needs to stop listening what people are telling him to do and start focusing on what he really wants in life..... pie!
Sober ________ and Drunk _________ don't talk. Someone please fill me about last night.
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