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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages 
Jennifer Anistons dog Normam dies -CNN... CNN, Dude seriously! www.whocares.com
I got their girl going down like the ps3 network!
Remember, don't text while being raptured.
For sale. One Afghan bed, no longer required as owner has gone to sea. Looks new but it has bin laid in.
Women who bleach their mustaches, clearly don't understand the problem with mustaches.
The cops came at my house last night and told me my dogs had been chasing someone on a scooter. I told them off. My dogs don't even have a scooter..
I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
The wife and I to spice things up have been getting into S&M. But it can be dangerous so you have to have a safety word. Mine is "bor....ing"
no it is not daughters week, or son's week or mothers or fathers week! If ya really give a sh!t about them, go to their house, look them in the eye and tell them!
I just winked at myself in my side view mirror...I must have my game on!?
Zombie squirrels will feast on your nuts.
WOW!!!! Gas is $3.85 what happened to $3.99? I can finally stop getting money out of my savings just to get gas
... and just think what the accent will be like on that Hispanic Schwarzenegger kid
The only reason nice guys finish last is because they're holding the door for everyone else.
Some people would be in such good shape if they ran as much as their mouth does
Hollywood is doing another “Mad Max” movie, where gas is so expensive that people steal and kill to get it. It takes place sometime in the future — like this coming July...
The awkward moment when your chair makes a farting noise & no one believes it was the chair, so you try to do it again.
UseI think I missed the driver ed class on how inching forward every 5 seconds at a red light makes it turn green faster
Give yourself an even greater challenge than the one you are trying to master and you will develop the powers necessary to overcome the original difficulty. 