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If you need help in a hurry at Best Buy... just begin shoving a CD in your pants. 
If I ever get married again, the woman I marry must have worked at Subway at some point in their life. I need to know they have experience making me sammiches. :-)
feels like this thing has turned into an FML website... but they arent even funny now
Hooters girls may be hot, but subway girls are wife material. They stand behind the counter, put whatever you want on your sandwich, and then clean up the kitchen
Mom trying to play Call of Duty, and she thinks the Kill Cam is her killing someone. Getting tired of hearing "I GOT ONE!".....every 5 seconds...
Facebook .... the online version of "Jerry Springer" .... but more entertaining.....
Kim Kardasian is marrying a player on the New Jersey Nets. At least someone on that team is scoring!
If you've never played Tetris, you're probably useless at loading a dishwasher.
Dear women::: Would it kill you to have a beer and watch the game instead of nagging..!!!!!
Pulling your phone out in front of your friends has the same effect as yawning.
wonders.. Why do we say "heads up" when we actually mean duck?
The Awkward moment when this random person waves at you, so you wave back and then you figure out they where waving to the person behind you :O
about to play with all the big, cute doggys at the police station
Heres one for MythBusters: See if she can really suck a golf ball thru a garden hose.
It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
Holy shat Marty McFly turns 50 today. (I could insert a Parkinson's joke here but that would be rude)
any girl can be cute with the right amount of makeup
_______ _. _____ died June 7, 2011 at the age of __. He was the _______ of ___ Libs. (RIP Leonard B. Stern)
A lot of people look up to me.....it's nice being tall.
After I was born the Doctor had to slap my ass to get me breathing, I was so pissed after that I didn't speak to anyone for almost two years 