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" Dude,I wasn't that drunk." "....you gave a mushroom to a midget and kept yelling 'GROW MARIO GROW!'. 
Do it today. it might be illegal tomorrow.
What happens at the sleepovers, Stays at the sleepovers.
Why do I always crave Chick-Fil-A on Sunday and Outback Steaks at lunch time?
Today is "Work Like A Dog Day". SO, I shall eat, sleep and wag my tail. Oh and maybe slobber a bit.
If you get a tattoo on your face of another person you can pretty much guarantee you and that person is probably homeless
IN CASE OF FIRE: Please exit the building immediately before updating your Facebook status about it.
may the bridges I burn light my way...
Redneck word of the day : "OBAMA"… I BOUGHT ME A CASE OF BEER AND DRANK IT OBAMA SELF!
on a (̅_̅_̅(̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅(̅_̅_̲̅м̲̅a̲̅я̲̅l̲̅b̲̅o̲̅r̲̅o̲̅̅ ̅_̅_̅()ڪے break !!
Falling In Love With You Is The Second Best Thing I Have Done .. Finding You Is The First ♥ ..
A true friend sees the first tear... catches the second... and stops the third
When a girl stomach hurts it is always blamed on 1 of 2 "P" words by everyone... Period, Pregnant.. <--words do hurt :(
Q: What did the left nut say to the right nut? A: Look at this b*tch in the middle trying to act all hard.
Sluts should be called, HUMPTY DUMPTY. Coz first they get HUMPED, then they get DUMPED.
I just saw a baby with a t-shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas!”
To people who say love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?
Games will be played, lies will be told, hearts and promises will be broken, feelings will be hurt, tears will fall, people will change, trust will be betrayed, and rumors will spread. But through it all, life will always go on.
i wonder when Sarah Palin is going to weigh in on this Stocky Markety Swoopsy Dowsy stuff.
Dear boys, the whole 'speed-by-girls-in-my-noisy-truck-and-impress-them' doesn't really work...but, then again you probably didn't need to hear that from me did you? 