doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Settle down Cross Fit. Settle down. I just wanna lift weights not snatch smart cars.

   I think most of Adele's songs are about a cheeseburger.

   Not saying I'm in dire need of affection but the next girl I date better be an octopus on ecstacy.

   I'm pretty awesome at tripping over stuff that isn't even there.

   A famous rapper got high and did something stupid? Well now I've seen everything.

   When I die, I want My body to be thrown out of a plane wearing a Superman costume.

   What if...lollipops moaned every time we licked them

   its Columbus Day! Find some people who look comfortable and make them move!

   Going to sleep with a t-shirt on is a great way to wake up knowing what a crocodile death roll feels like

   I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass

   Ugh, this girl who woke up in my bed is SO needy. She's all "Who are you?" "What'd you put in my drink?"

   "Lets talk about safe IPs. Let's talk about piracy. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things on your PC."

   Finally changed my mood on MySpace to "ninja" but nobody saw me do it.

   Don't worry there are plenty other fish in the sea. None as attractive as the one that just dumped you but plenty other fish!

   All I pray is that when I die the death certificate does not contain the phrases "straining at stool" or "unusual mummification".

   Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.

   I assume "Luftballons" is German for "bottles of beer on the wall"

   Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture.

   when people say that drinking is not the answer, it makes me wonder if they truly understand the question.

   I don't want a sky full of lighters! I just want the one that fell under my driver's seat!