Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Can't wait until march 9th when we all turn our clocks forward and gain a extra hour of sunlight! And in other news I just want to be a social network influencer.

   An infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters and an infinite amount of time would eventually type out the complete works of Shakespeare.

   Here you go moron! 400 Oak Ave, St Charles, MO 63301

   Don't know why I'm so surprised Taylor swift got engaged with Travis Kelsy? Like I've been expecting her to call me any day now to tell me your the one I want!

   Robocop is just a Terminator that hunts minorities.. And dogs

   Didn’t think we’d see the day where Van Jones was the voice of reason…but it’s here.

   GaryKoenig... hear any dry jokes lately that you can steal? Walker.

   Shhhh hear that??? (Hears crickets). That's the sound of your audience to your bad jokes.

   I'm looking to date

   how do you tell the difference between a gator & a croc? gator is a mask while croc is a shoe

   Jason11972 asked me if I wanted to meet him outside. Not really in the mood for a blowjob right now, but thanks anyways buddy.

   Says the guy who keeps insulting random strangers on the Internet and who won't even reveal himself.

   Poor TeaJae. Still a loser.

   Not going to happen! I'm the king of lame comedy and I love it!

   You can tell It's a Chink even when they wear sunglasses.

   Woke up today feeling gay! That was close

   If your profile mainly consists of photos featuring you and your 60 year old friends at bars and restaurants, you've failed miserably.

   Stinky

   Usha and Melania always look so unfulfilled. I'd pay good money to watch Zelensky tag team both of them.

   Walmart's Mexico unit said on Thursday it would invest more than $6 billion in the country this year