Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We're completely fine with fetus killing. As long as they're US fetuses. Because they're unimportant and irrelevant. It's like the Michael Jackson song. Kill em all, make the world a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race 🎵

   Being kissed while you're asleep is one of the purest forms of love. Unless of course you're in prison.

   Look guys! I know I've been bad. I've said and posted things many of you have found to be unfavorable. However, with your help and a little bit of encouragement, I can become so much worse.

   I've been having some financial problems. I'm so broke I owe myself money.

   Dman is a tranny

   The embarrassing car sales stunt on the White House lawn didn't work. "Tesler's" stock lost another $50 billion in market value in 2 days LOLLLL

   Watching the Left melt down as they continue their downward spiral is awesome. 77 million voters isn’t a cult…but a bunch of voters dying their hair blue who scream on TikTok sure is.

   Wait. Tampon Tim is a man? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

   They outta line wit these school supply list. Why my son gotta bring 4 new tires?

   I'm cleaning house and thinking that I need a car that runs on dog hair.

   "Don't know what to tell you. He was just a quiet guy who kept to himself." -What my neighbors are say about me when it all goes wrong.

   If it was the other way around, I highly doubt one cat would take in 20 old ladies.

   It’s bad when the hackers try to return your stolen identity.

   I hate doing laundry so much that I wait until the only thing I have left to wear is my old prom dress.

   Santa said the illegals have been so bad this year that they were put on top of the ICE list

   Someone said we're a garage band. I replied, "Dad, you know very well that we rehearse in the carport."

   I swear all I do is work, come home, blink, and then I'm back at work again.

   Diego Rincon is now morongon.

   Wife: Honey, does this make me look fat? Me: If you ran at the gym just like you run your mouth at home, you wouldn't have to ask that question.

   It's been said that if you have to explain a joke, then it isn't one. But if you're explaining a joke to an idiot, then it's still a joke that the idiot didn't get.