Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'll take the raving le*ticle poster any day over that GaryKoenig imbecile who posts played out jokes from eons ago. Unoriginal asshole.

   When a woman laughs during an argument, please know that the psycho part of her brain has been activated. Abort mission.

   Keep dreaming, 3rd world left*e. Mad because Trump deported you back to Assholevania?

   Last night I had a horrifying dream that Disco was actually making a comeback. At first I was afraid, I was petrified. PS - tr*mp is a dumbc*nt

   Pee pee poo p000

   Whatever cunt

   Whoever said, "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

   Dman is a Dbag

   They should've never given jig-a-boos and women the right to vote.

   I never thought it’d be cheaper to paint avocados for Easter but here we are.

   Wait, those two douchbags have 19 children from EIGHT different women lol. Shut up with your Jesus bullsh*t 😂

   Marriage tip: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she's not the only woman on the docket, and that you're a great catch!

   Why don't the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

   yawA oG aciaemA ekaM AGAM

   I was an atheist until I realized I was a sex god!!!!!!!!!!!

   Too old for SnapChat. Too young for Life Alert.

   30 years later and millions of Cabbage Patch Kids still have no clue they were adopted.

   4 days sober! Not in a row just total in 2025

   SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER SEE ICE ROUNDING UP THE CEO'S WHO ILLEGALY EXPLOITED UNDOCUMENTED WORKERS

   The way Pop-Tart icing holds up in the toaster is both oddly fascinating and unsettling.