Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Air Poland is now Air Jetski.

   Whoever lost the iPhone 17 in front of Walmart this morning, STOP CALLING MY NEW PHONE !!!

   When I was a kid we didn't have Facebook. We had a drunk uncle.

   For the ladies still waiting for their prince on a white horse, don't give up! With the recent rises in fuel, it can happen any second now!

   Yesterday I bought a map of the world. I then gave my wife a dart, and told her to throw it, and wherever it lands, I'll take you there on holiday. This year, we're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge. 🤣

   Playing "Real Boxing" on my IPad makes me feel like much more of a badass than I actually am.

   If you beat up homeless people they can go to the hospital where they will have a warm bed and good food.

   Even to this very day, I still can't remember that time I had amnesia.

   I changed my mind. F*ck Trump.

   I can't believe all the Me×icans who are taking Amer¡can jobs. Amer¡can jobs previously held by 16 year olds.

   PS. Saying it your face and doing it in person is the same thing, you redundant asshole.

   I'm not giving you the middle finger; I'm showing half of a peace sign.

   If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.

   Travis Kelce is going to have to sign a prenup that is longer than any book he's ever read!!

   Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that was just a concidence.

   I share the same number of no f**ks given for Tyreek Hill as I did for George Floyd.

   I've heard of people being "generation x" or " generation z"..... if I had to label my family, we would be "generation AA" we go to meetings about it

   My wife is a 10 and so are her miles to empty.

   Yesterday, I left work pretending to be sick. Today, two colleagues didn't show up, claiming they caught it from me. Freaking liars!

   There is no bigger day for microwaves than December 26th. This is their Olympics.