Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When I was younger, Freddie Krueger was so freakin' scary. But he doesn't even come close to Dunning-Kruger.

   Bats are just Halloween butterflies. That's all.

   The 47th President is the best President of all time.

   Don't quote me on this, but I would not be surprised if Trump and Putin have shared a sexual encounter in the past. Even just a mutual hand job. It's so obvious.

   Just got home from Oklahoma. It was OK.

   Trump Soup: Start with lots of nuts, add some Tweeted mistruths, heat and spin until it is a laughing stock. Discard any creditability before servng.

   Many talented foreigners move to the US because there's far less competition there. Now you know 😆

   Could someone direct me tothe better states message board

   Customer service in 2024: "I don't know the answer and neither does anybody else. I suggest that you call back another time. Now before I let you go, is there anything else I can help you with?"

   Saving daylight? Who am I, Superman?

   Good Day @everyone. our College Orientation & Research Symposium will be re schedule

   Every day is St. Patrick's Day when you're a drunk who likes to pinch people.

   I miss the days when Иiggers knew their place.

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I surprised my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   Lamer*ca's about to become his seventh bankruptcy.

   Tonight is the best night of the year to have relations with the old lady…you can set performance records if you start at 1:58 am🤪

   Million dollar idea. Pizza toppings on the bottom, will call them Bottomings!

   I don’t want your pity sandwiches. I mean I’m still gonna eat them and enjoy them. But I don’t want them.

   Did you know? Every letter “C” in the words “Pacific Ocean” is pronounced differently.

   Everyone my age already on baby no 3 I'm still on Mambo no 5