Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don’t worry Greenland. One more bottle of whiskey and Pete Hegseth will text you the complete invasion plans 🤣

   I'M GOING TO NEED ELON MUSK TO SEND ME A LIST OF FIVE REASONS WHY HIS PATHETIC ROCKET FAILED FOR THE 8TH TIME

   Chickens: The only animals you eat before they're born AND after they're dead.

   People who cheat on their taxes disgust me...this is not the world I want to raise my 32 dependents in! 😉

   If I comment on your post “Nice filter, are you gonna block me?”

   Step 1: Go to a drive through. Step 2: Say "I'm sorry but I'm blind. Can you read the menu to me"? Step 3: See how long they'll read before realizing you can't drive if you're blind.

   I wouldn’t have to stash these leftovers in my bra if this dress had pockets

   Song Wrecker . Someone who you can't listen to a certain song without having a bad flashback to ?

   THE "BUT HER EMAILS" CROWD IS REAAAL QUIET RIGHT NOW. You're all like one big f'ing SNL skit LOL

   Just in case V_*nce didn’t get the memo - Greenland not for sale. So you can crawl the f*ck home with that creepy wife thing of yours.

   DOGE slashes billions more in expenses for programs like Peruvian climate change and gender equity in Me'jico

   A children's hospital in Texas is now treating children for vitamin A poisoning after RFK Jr. touted it as a measles treatment. Good! F*ck Lamericcan kids. Tubby, stupid, imbred little runts.

   Not only did Benjamin Franklin discover electricity, he was also our greatest president.

   Why are so many hot women also such dumb cun+s?

   I'm amazed at how some people tend to overthink things without actually being in possession of a brain.

   This is my impression of Beyoncé if she was a carnie: “If you liked it then you should’ve tossed a ring on it.”

   People everywhere are now referring to Pete Hegseth as “WhiskeyLeaks” and we're kinda mad that we didn’t think of it first.

   You can post jokes by successful comedians here, yet you get some los€r flaming the t¿umbs d○wn tab a hundred times. The sorriest s¡t€ on the internet.

   I'll never understand people saying "Rest In Peace" when someone dies. Of course they're resting in peace. They're dead.

   Marriage tip: If your wife says she's only getting two things at the store, don't believe her. She's lying!