Funny Status Messages

   Jimmy Carter attributes peanuts, rampant inflation, and his Brother Billy kicking the bucket in being instrumental in his reaching 100 years of age.

   If the glove doesn't fit, you must use lubricant. -Diddy...,,, probably

   I didn't even know what to buy people for Christmas until I heard about these exploding pagers and walki-talkies.

   Do the Chinese realize when visiting the USA they're buying souvenirs made in their country?

   Mary kiss-a-moose

   Life hack: Rent the same type of car that you own and switch the tires. Best $39.95 I ever spent.

   He’s been marinating in honey for years. Don’t tell me a rack of Winnie the Pooh ribs wouldn’t be tasty.

   There's an individual here that believes that us making fun of cheeto von clownstick every day, is a meltdown. Call it whatever you want to, to make yourself feel better buddy. But it's going to continue. Every single day. Cry harder.

   Elon Musk is sending his 76 year old mom on a PR tour to beg sympathy for her lil' billionaire N*zi boy aaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

   They said they voted him in "for the economy," then he ERASED 4.4 TRILLION of stock market value in 2 months. No wonder he loves the poorly educated. 😂

   Please punch in your account number, phone number and the last four digits of your social security, so I can transfer you so they can ask you for those same numbers again

   F News has removed Stock Market numbers from their ticker. I wonder why?

   The tariffs don’t really affect me, as I spend most of my days at the park throwing wood chips at people

   I’m looking for someone to brush their teeth with me every morning. My dentist says brushing alone won’t prevent cavities.

   For $100 I’ll come over and pretend I’m a Jehovah’s Witness, when you have unwanted company at your house.

   i like my men like I like my coffee. not that hot but still making me anxious

   Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one.

   The reality is that F○x News has completely removed their live stocks ticker because the market is completely disintegrating and they're embarrassed, you uneducated dingbat 😂

   Are you just mad because kids in Texas are now getting admitted to hospital in droves from Vitamin A poisoning thanks to that RFK quack? Oh come on. Where's your sense of humor? We think it's f*cking hilarious 🤣

   My grandmother once told me, "Sometimes you have to hug the people you don't like. That way you'll know how big to dig the hole in the back yard".