Funny Status Messages

   Ex-Trump fan here. He's been manipulating the stock market and its obvious this is insider trading. I wouldnt never vote it for her but if I've known this was going to happen the last three months I would have never voted for him. This is all making me si

   I like to put Aunt Jemima next to the Uncle Ben in my pantry. I'm hoping for a love connection.

   I just smuggled 40 kilos of eggs in the US and now my name is Pablo Eggscobar.

   I have to make it to heaven, I want to see Circuit City and Blockbuster again.

   Last year, every other message here was attacking Biden and praising Trump. Now, almost every single one of those people are gone. Because they finally realize what a loser Donald is lol.

   ...and the meltdown continues!

   If the "Why does the lgbt get a month, but veterans get a day" people actually cared for the military theyd know the military gets multiple days and months, also they would mention "why does the military get one day"? during any other month

   Some people eat bananas for the shape and it shows

   I bought a vintage Cadillac and developed a nasty cough. It was a Croup de Ville

   The sprite from McDonald’s could probably fry some chicken

   I like the Old Normal better than the New Normal.

   When you have absolutely nothing to smile about, do it anyway. It pisses people off!!

   I just had a cop knock on my door saying he was looking for a man with one eye. I told him to use both as he'd probably find him a lot quicker.

   Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls... I was in the women's bathroom.

   Boop Bop Beeda Beep Boop Lop Bee eezz ... YOU'VE GOT MAIL !! 📭😁

   California has the highest rate of both Depression and Adultery. It's a sad state of affairs.

   I Have A Friend Name Nelson And His Nails Are Nasty

   Bacon and eggs along with Toast all walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

   I tried to walk like an Egyptian. Now I need to see a Cairo practor

   He makes a stupid decision. Something really bad happens. He reverses his stupid decision. He convinces his sheep that the problem is magically solved thanks to him. And like the morons they are, they all f*cking believe him 😂