Funny Status Messages

   Some of you ladies have more inches of snow outside than your man has in his pants.

   Actually, I would probably do anything else but show up to a gunfight

   You know it’s time to shave when there’s more pubes than face towel after a shower.

   GF-So what are you doing on the 14th of february?BF: What day of the week it is?GF: Friday. BF:Leg's,Iam going to do leg's on Friday

   Believe half of what you see -Fetty Wap

   And then there was the blind prostitute. You really have to mouth* it to her....

   I don't always like to stroke a cat, but when I do it's always a pu$$y.

   Sorry I didn’t hear a word you just said-I was looking at your man bun and all I could think of was cinnamon rolls.

   It takes a lot of guts to be an organ donor.

   DWI attorneys would be smart to buy ad space on Taco Bell hot sauce packets.

   sure recipes like “marry me chicken” are cute but where’s the “it’s your turn to clean the bathroom casserole”

   was born a female. I identify as a female. But according to Tesco's sticky toffee pudding I'm a family of four.

   When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up what did he go back to?

   Hate your job? No problem! There's a support group for that... at the bar!

   Every time I get an eyelash in my eye I’m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild..

   Question -- What night is the swimsuit competition at the Dumocratic Convention?

   Who knew in 1987 when Steven Tyler wrote "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

   Pit bulls are dangerous because I’m willing to jump out of a moving car to pet one

   Not a cloud in the sky. It's a dry hump day.

   Supporters cheer Roy Moore as he runs naked through a mall, his genitals concealed by various amusingly phallic objects