Funny Status Messages

   dyslexic people are weird. they pray to a dog

   I still don't know why Microsoft put a talking paper clip in Microsoft Office instead of a talking ink pen they could call your "pen pal"

   I hope the below pays tens of thousands of dollars on healthcare since he thinks he's a big man, paying full price for his healthcare.

   I hate to tell you "I told you so" but... no, actually I'm gonna tell you that till the day I die!

   Facebook reels are mostly chunky broads stuffed into clothes like a sausage.

   I just let a stinky one rip and my wife said, "Jeeziz, you just took me to Funkytown."

   ничего особенного

   I got new deodorant yesterday... The instructions said remove top and push up bottom... My bum really hurts but everytime I fart the room smells awesome.

   I just got back from a cannibal Thanksgiving get together. ..... I filled up on redhead again, didn't have room for Blonde tart .

   911 is useless,they dont even care that I cant find my remote!

   @cpaman1981: Easter is on April 20th this year or as in the folks in Colorado and Washington call it, Sunday

   I never meant to pleasure myself in front of the cobras. The cobras were loving it.

   I told my wife that a cheating website had been hacked and marriages would be in ruins because of it. I just caught her deleting browser history from LittleDebbie.com.

   ever have a large lunch and go up a cup size?

   Im not staying we you getting old grandma, but you should stand in that same place too long with the lurking vultures up above!

   you deserve more than a guy who wears t-shirts with "witty" sayings that he bought from jcpenney.

   "Twilight is upon me......and so might must fall, that is the way of things. The way of the force." -Yoda

   Only few words can touch her heart like "Baby, I would suck the fart out of your car seat."

   I casually pull out my solid gold asthma inhaler with the word 'PIMP' engraved on it. I suck at it hard yet it is you who feel breathless.

   Need help drafting a weed smoking NFL fantasy team. That way they won't miss any games due to suspensions...