Funny Status Messages

   Looks like lil wayne had another seizure.....Maybe she shouldnt be hating on the Miami Heat. Cuz that's when it all started...

   Girl, you must be a terrorist cause you're making my package suspicious.

   I wish that I could put my status to what I am really thinking…

   Audley Harrison has announced he's to come out of retirement after managing to knock out a w*nk.

   Walk up in the club like "what's the wifi password here?"

   If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I'll tell you more.

   I made my bed, I've failed countless of times by not taking any seats. But I will surely get out my bed every morning and try again, cuz failing is a stepping stone to success. Failure, is not falling down of the bed; but remaining where you have fallen.

   I was going to post a picture of the beautiful sunrise this morning but I forgot I'm a lazy sob...

   If there is a draw on ITV's Splash, it will go into sudden death. Michael Barrymore will host. (What, too soon?)

   Bought a shirt with three wolves on it. Agressively seeking high fives from strangers.

   Good thing Tesco doesn't serve hot dogs.

   we need to get swag on mythbusters to see if it will pay the bills

   coyote ugly does not begin to describe what happened to me last night. The people I do for a Klondike Bar

   Whatever you do, please don't take off your...AHHHH!!! I asked you to not take off your makeup!

   I wish everyone would stop criticising Jimmy Savile. When I was 8, he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded.

   If you step out of the car & behave like a complete 2year old then you better have a bumper sticker reading 'Baby on Wheels!!'

   watching the movie, "The Hostage" Never saw it, But you can't go wrong with some Bruce Willis --You just can't....

   I'm ok with you liking cats as long as you're ok with me hating you.

   Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

   Oh certainly! That could well explain thousand innocent lives taken by U̶S̶..North Korea