Funny Status Messages

   My doctor needed a stool, a ur-ine, a se-men and a blood sample. I gave him my underwear.

   Valentine's Day was started accidentally when an irresponsible man gave a bow and arrow to a cherub-faced Baby and he shot the man's lover in the heart ... true story.

   Just been reading a letter from my Chinese penpal in Wuhan and apparently they hav

   HOT = Hoez Out Today

   Feck as others would feck onto you...

   You hate yourself? Cool, I guess we do have something in common. I hate you too. Let's date

   I can't use the word euouae without experiencing cramping, abdominal pain, bloating &

   looks like God was look look lookin at his Gucci and decided it was about that time

   I Can not tell a lie with out believing it first My self..Elvis lives..!

   Since it's Hump Day Wednesday, rather than have my usual can of Redbull, I'll try Redbone, "She'll give me brain"

   Texting + Facebook = Textbook.. so I'm studying right?

   You ever let one loose and it was too late? I just farted and didnt see the midget standing next to me.....

   I think "tax cheat" is too harsh of a term....I like to think of myself as "Tax mathematically challenged"

   Two-words. Not Divorce, instead...Pre-Nuptial, it's an agreement. So is Marriage. And marriages don't last. No Fault.

   the abbreviation curse will haunt me for ever. Yesterday my friend asked me what I was sucking and I just laughed out loud and said "lipop"

   When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I'm tripping first.

   hey lady, why don't you undress and show us your talent?

   my dog's favorite food is a peanut butter popsicle!

   The day I bother to care who doesn't like me around here as opposed to enjoying those who do... is the day I'll kill myself.

   In this worldline, the lanisters are all dead. The current state of the economy proves it, no one is paying their debts.