Funny Status Messages

   Always make love with your eyes open, and never forget to use your tongue when you kiss.

   I prefer to have s€x in the dark not because I'm afraid to see bodily imperfections. It's because I don't want to see her nose hairs.

   Does it really matter if Christ was a dark skinned man?

   White Americans killing off other Americans is a psychological issue, not an ideological one.

   "I've lost my contacts" is the new "I've got a new phone."

   giving the recent plane accident, I bet now Mitt Romney realizes why the plane windows stay closed

   Financial status: Hanging out in front of my favorite restaurant kissing anyone who has food around their mouth and in their teeth.

   One sneaky missle attack on copa cabana beach now and the Falklands is maintenance free forever

   Since it was on of the most popular apps download and played in 2013.......Anyone knows when Candy Crush is sending us our W-2's???

   I'm sure that I'm not alone in this. My whole life Frosted Flakes has been my favorite cereal. I keep it in my freezer as the cereal says Frosted.

   liverpool u've never been this close, but that crystal comeback was sensational reminds of liverpool vs ac millan

   ou know what material this is?" [Grab your shirt] "Boyfriend material"

   I feel sorry for Perrier water, they were the only ones for a long time...

   The ABC's to a good marriage: Air conditioning, Beer, Could you shut up for a Damn minute so I can Enjoy my Good High quality Imported Jeggermiester and Kill L33t Moronic Noob Opponents Playing Quick call of duty Rounds.

   EGG hunt, no homo.

   Like if you remember San francisco riding gear jeans

   Its a Stripper on Stage with a Hospital Bracelet on! This B1tch discharged herself to come make it Clap Tonite!

   Lol at Labron... seemed very confused with what the word "redemption" means... as he avoided the question.

   I'm Canadian and ham is pig and bacon is bacon. Enough said.

   Don't worry ladies - I wear condoms on my fingers when I upd@te my st@tus so you won't get pregnant.