Funny Status Messages

   April Fools Day is coming up this Saturday. Look for lots of articles about global warming.

   The guy who named the "Chimichanga" should really be given more authority to name things

   There have been a lot of tasteless jokes about the lost Titan submarine. How could people sink so low?

   If someone gets arrested for shoplifting at Kohl’s they should be able to post bail with Kohl’s cash.

   You never think it’ll happen to you and then boom, you get catfished by an empty box of donuts.

   Will Smith's marriage is open to everything except jokes.

   Here is some good free advice. When you see someone gorgeous, this is what I do. I just stare until I get tired, then I put the mirror down and go do something else.

   I would learn how to backflip but i’m saving spinal injuries for after i’m 60

   Being a man means doing what I want, when I want, and not having to answer to anyone. This is my…...sh*t she’s coming. To be continued.

   About a year ago I told my friend there’s plenty of fish in the sea. He's been divorced 3 times... Last I heard he is still sitting there holding his rod.

   Welcome to middle age. Only one nostril works

   What happened to the funny posts ?

   Guess who I bumped into on the way to see my eye doctor? Everyone…

   Hubs accidentally picked up my coffee cup this morning, took a big gulp, and spewed it out across the table. What a waste of good Scotch.

   Why hasn't BP used my solution yet to stop that oil leak? Simple AND brilliant...contact Tampax, have the worlds largest tampon made. Stick it in the hole....TADA, no more leaks...

   Accidentally played Pearl Jam and now every 40 year old white guy is sprinting towards my house

   Matt Gaetz says "I'm there, before the hair".

   Yeah, so while you were perfecting your grammar in 12th grade English class, I was doing the teacher. I got the A.

   that whenever a bird craps on my windshield, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I am capable of.

   ♫So I'm shaving all my love.....Yeah I'm shaving all my lovin'...Yes I'm shaving all my love for you ♫