Funny Status Messages

   thanks to the awesome foreign policy you have created an endless wave of turmôil in Mid East. Thanks morica for playing divide and rule for cheap oîl

   I may be her Teddy bear, but remember I'm still a bear .

   I haven't had a drink all year! Unless you count those after midnight last night...

   would probably be classified as a lesbian if it was only based on how much you enjoy eating muffins and cookies.

   a fun afternoon planned. Will be playing "Duck, duck, goose" with actual ducks and geese followed by few games of Chinese Checkers against actual Chinese people.

   Subway is not the only one being sued for lying about their length......

   So he's not lame? I think you're both lame!

   I don't have issues... I have an entire subcription... jest sayin

   I don't know much about art, but my favorite pictures have a man’s junk drawn on them...

   if Satruday is Small Business Saturday, then black Friday is Fortune 500 Friday!!

   How do you get high on life? That would save me a ton of money on street drugs. Answer: intelligence, 'independency', and a good luck accompanying with lots of money!

   yes is official- Kanye West has lost his mind!!..he has named his daughter...what for it......NORTH.

   The ingrediant that mixes with sugar, spice, and everything nice to make little girls that can kick some ass.

   : It's hard to fight the things we are afraid of. Sometimes we just need a little help.

   I make PMS jokes around women all the time just to know what it feels like to live dangerously.

   Facebook, cos nothing reassures yourself more than seeing how the other half live

   Iran has threatened to sue the filmmakers who made the Academy award winning movie “ARGO,” over their portrayal of Iran in the movie. What's Next? The Irish sue because "SHREK" made them look like Ogres?..... "DONKEY !!!"

   My brackets perfect so far, I fill it out after every game.

   first rule of fight club is no fighting. welcome to contradicton club everyone have a seat and dont have a seat. also this isnt contradicton club

   I imagine homeless people aren't the biggest fans of little dogs wearing sweaters.