Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   One time in 6th grade me and my friend got to an Easter egg hunt early and switched all the candy in the eggs with mustard and ketchup.

   You can either be an illegal or go to college in the USA but you can't do both

   "The Statue of Liberty just turned 130 last Friday. When France first gave her to us, it was the one time that France didn't retreat..

   I'm rubber you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. Ma'am, that's not how speeding tickets work.

   Thanks to Twitter, everybody with a computer and something to complain about thinks they're a modern day Che Guevara.

   The cemical formula for holly water: H2 OMG

   After Monday and Tuesday, even the caledar says WTF.

   Man with Corona Virus seeks women with Lyme disease

   This isolation was getting to me, so yesterday I decided to go jogging. Big mistake. My thighs kept rubbing together and my legs caught on fire.

   Its friday night! Querentine facebook party going done on my wall tonight and your all invited!

   finally, the Friday of my discontent

   You know you're addicted to gambling when you spend your hard earned money on virtual chips in Zynga.

   I think this whole verify your account thing is a bunch of garbage. So I'm not going to follow the crowd and "verify" mine...so if you lose me as a friend I guess they were serious lol

   I've been trying to teach my mate how to play golf recently but the problem seems to be his drive. His wife stands on it and doesn't let us out.

   wants to thank Starbucks CEOs for now offering severely addicted customers, like myself, a bathtub-sized cup. Awesome!

   She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.

   It's so hot my ac is on energy saver but it hasn't gone off yet to save me energy. Smh. Money blowing out the window.

   Both Tiffany AND Debbie Gibson on The View. I suddenly have the urge to visit a Bachrach and Spencer's Gifts.

   yes I am embarrassed of certain things I did in my past.....you reminding me wont really hurt me any more then it already did, pain is gone only scars left and those dont hurt just reminder , I DON'T NEED YOU TO REMIND ME

   just broke my damn thumb again!! Really need to take it out my a*se before I sit in future..