Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Everytime I see that Megan Fox on that tv screen of mine, it sure gets a rise out of me.

   that we need to stop the insanity by not drinking more of that hatorade!

   good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

   hears BP is using a huge upside down funnel in the Gulf of Mexico; suddenly I'm having a deja vu/flashback of the beach I used to visit in the Gulf of Mexico, the funnel, and how I was upside down...

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   Erin Culbertson Did you know that a woman has 3 knees and a man has 4 knees? A woman has a left knee, a right knee, and a hiney. A man has a left knee, a right knee, a hiney, and a weenie.

   I dropped my laptop in the ocean, now there is A dell rolling in the deep :)

   Don't worry Adam Levine, most people hate your country also. It's not only you.

   I hate when I’m hanging up my clothes and I find an unused treadmill from 1981.

   Waitress: ‘Do you have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

   The only Catholic announcements I’m interested in this week are St. Patrick’s Day Bar specials.

   How so you fit 4 gay guys on a stool? flip it over

   If Facebook retains ownership of everything you post, I'm going to upload my debt...

   It's about time we, as a sophisticated society, start getting birds to wear diapers.

   My buddy’s wife put him on a strict diet, so now I earn money by selling him Reese’s through the back door.

   A friend rubbed tomato ketchup on his eyes.In Heinz sight , it wasn't a good idea.

   If we were in a locked room together,and there was two warewovles ,and I had a gun,with two silver bullets...I will soot you twice

   i was going to dress up as Cailey Anthony for halloween but my mom said shed kill me

   2022 will go in the history books as the year they legalized insanity!

   thankful for everyone celebrating Thanksgiving...to only true American Christian holiday. God bless you all!