Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I discretely pass gas around the house just to make non of my family members have covid

   I feel confidence they're going to be able to hammer out a stimulus deal by Christmas.....of 2021

   "Walking In a Wonderland" is a great Christmas song for Southerners to keep in mind since they don't know how to drive in it.

   Everyone freaking about how 2021 sounds like 2020 won. . . Well 2022 is gonna sound like 2020 too.

   Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish, you feed him for a lifetime...

   Daffy Definition #348 Iditarod: Monica Lewinsky's autobiography.

   Halloween is over time to put up the Christmas decorations.

   My wife passed some gas. I told her it was rank. She said to treat it like aroma therapy.

   My popcorn gone stale, my coke is now flat. Waiting for the showing of the pp tapes, what happen to that?

   I called the Coronavirus hotline. I kept getting a recording about soy sauce saying, "Do not refill bottle with other than Kikkoman!"

   The only reason I am not going to my patio and jumping off of the railing during all this madness is because I live on the first floor and do not want to look like a mental escapee to all of my neighbors.

   A husband's last words always has to be 'OK buy it'.

   I found out that if you have an annoying song stuck in your head that you want to forget, listen to Don't Stop Believing by Journey and it go away. REALLY!!

   All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.

   Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

   the superman of humility

   Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ........... words will never f**king fail me !!!

   The richest person is not the one who has the most,while he is the one who needs less.

   a Jerkwagon... sorry folks, it's true.......

   Why does a pumpkin smile after being torn out its entrail ..