Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes you see more when you stop looking. Except when I'm at your bedroom window. Then I see EVERYTHING.

   the best sort of perfection in life, funnily enough, comes in the form of imperfection!

   Scientists: Red heads are more prone to skin cancer. Rest of the world: No s hit nerd...

   Mary Jane is not a ho, so don't hit it and quit

   It is my mission to make you laugh so hard you will cry before you die.

   Sometimes... when I'm bored, I lay on the kitchen floor and pretend to be a crumb (o O)

   Don't try and fix me, just love me dammit!

   My plans for getting laid are getting dusty.

   Surge has an ego problem hes trying to fill online...pathetic

   I willing to bet all those students with sick student loans weren't business majors...

   doesn't wear a yellow hat when he goes to the zoo because he doesn't want any of the monkeys following him home.

   Every time I hear Sam Elliott narrating a commercial, the only thing I hear my head is "Don't eat the big white mint"

   Life is a Kaleidoscope after few beers! *Sunday Closed*

   Staringat his blood covered hands muttering, "what did I do for this Klondike bar?".

   #Why #is #the #latest #trend #to #abuse #the "#" #symbol #in #a #status? #English #teachers #have #Twitter #to #thank #for #this! #######

   Nobody at work will play bloody knuckles with me. I swear we've raised a nation of pansies. Now where's my latte and hot rock masseuse?

   Hey Jalen Rose, these Fab 5 actually won a championship. So shut your mouth!

   I get so forgetful during sex... wrong username or wrong safe word every time.

   Hoping to see some eyes come peepin around the camera's lens on Curiosity. Or at least a gnarled 3 fingered claw....

   I mean this is the nicest possible way...~ someone who is about to make you swallow every anti-depressant in your house.