Funny Status Messages

   swearing to myself at an elderly lady driving really slow. I guess someone heard me because within seconds bird crap landed on my windshield. Won't happen again, big guy

   I don't care if Noones likes me I'm still going to post while drunk :)

   It must be past the Celtics bedtime.

   "That's" - She.

   The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.!!

   I'm not calling her a sl*t. I'm simply stating that if her vag had a password it would've been password.

   3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove..."I'm a zebra."

   jus stole my bosses car, gonna put a swastika on it and drop it off in da hood

   "I could go for some yogurt!" - no man ever

   Why do men talk dirty? So they can wash their mouths out with beer.

   If I were working 4 the turkey bacon industry I would put a giant pig sculpture made entirely out of turkey bacon in Times Square.

   been running up to strangers, tapping them shouting "YOUR IT!" and running away.

   The Game Angry Birds... Should really change its name to Angry People!

   SORRY HATER I don't speak bulls**t; but, I do know sign-language now, read my middle finger.

   does anybody use typewriter still?

   Anyone know aspertame was made first as a ant poison? really..google it

   Fun thing to do. Location: Shopping Mall. Items needed: Old Atari Controller and a friend as cool as you are. Stick the cord down the back of your friends pants and pretend to steer him/her around the mall with the joystick. DO IT!!!

   I want to explore every inch and curve or your anatomy; I want to become fluent in YOUR body language.

   If the rubber doesn't fit, don't do it.

   I guess killer bees have taken a back seat since pit bulls are roaming the streets.