Funny Status Messages

   disappointed to hear that farts do not have lumps as it means I've dirtied my pants

   Facts are busily being ground into meat.

   I am so bored I'm logging in and out of facebook for entertainment!

   That was one time and I'm not allowed to have coffee anymore!....

   If she listens to lil wayne, she to young for you bro

   Obama's jobs plan is that he has sold America to Apple and you are all working for them now

   Note to self: Do NOT draft Peyton Hillis this year.

   did some cross- dressing this morning , I said wheres my f**king socks

   I was driving around today and the sun was out and the snow is melting so I think it's time to take your Christmas decorations down now.

   I JUST SAW SOMETHING THAT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER. THREE SIMPLE WORDS....... ON NBC ..... "RIVERDANCE ON ICE"..... YOU HAD ME AT RIVER...

   If you ever see me getting beating by the police, put down the camera and come help me instead..

   If I ever get arrested.......again..... My one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there......again.

   LIKE if you do this :: *Wrong password.* “OMG SOMEONE HAS HACKED ME! “Oh, it's on caps lock…

   Amanda Knox had killer home coming in Seatle.

   The kids of Gaza do recieve the media attention, when they act up, we spank them

   Marco Rubio was asked if he was too young to be president.. he said, "Yes, but the elections are almost 2 years away, I will be much older then."

   Former Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez found guilty of 1st degree murder. Where he's going, I wonder if he'll stick with tight end or switch to receiver?

   it normal to need to jack off after watching 5 minutes of Naked and Afraid? Asking for a friend.

   Sometimes I wish Tony Stewart would run me over....... #Hangover

   So what if Lesean McCoy tipped a waitress 20 cent. He gives defenses 4 quarters every game.