Funny Status Messages

   hate it when I get stupid fortunes from a fortune cookie. I feel like I got cheated!

   "This page intentionally left blank" -phone bill, page 56

   not illiterate. His parents were married when he was born.

   ..because Chinese New Year and Valentines Day fall on the same day this year,i think i'll celebrate both with a takeaway! How romantic. Lol.

   Feel free to call me a Hottie.

   hyou're obviously too stupid to read back through all the wacko liberal posts of the last few days

   ..... cute, funny, and irresistable... enough about me,tell me about you?

   If you can have sex faster then the speed of sound is it possible to have sex with a women before she can respond with a yes or no answer ?

   drinking a full bottle of Nyquil, knowing that he is trading a cold for a hung over.

   ggwwhhaaannn wayne rooney spending £1300 on a 1 night stand with a hooker!! cant fault you bra, wha else can he spend his money on..

   They call me brown sugar because I'm so sweet!

   Nightmare George Michael been sent to prison his going to be busy in them showers ...

   Ever sneeze so hard that it started raining

   Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, b*tches"

   Whats the first? That little drop of water that makes it back up in there before you can squeeze it shut.

   wanna know why that dog hangs his head out the car window,cause the drivers breath stinks ,...

   Do you know where I can score some nasal spray?

   If you ever want to see a woman crying or screaming, just turn on oxygen.

   Sometimes I intentionally p0st boring statuses just to tick people off. Like I am doing now.

   I wonder if we're "homed people" to them...