Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.

   Don't get me wrong, I love football just as much as the next guy but if she want's to do it during game time, football is the last thing on my mind.

   Side chicks are always more excited about Valentine's Day than everyone else because for them, its as close as they will ever get to a wedding.

   If you are a man and your girl is taller than you. I am going to assume you're a lesbian couple.

   Some relationships are like birthday cakes...Once the 'cake' has been eaten the party is over.

   I just held the door open for a Japanese guy and he said, "Sank you" So I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor just like that.

   Maybe instead of running your mouth you should try jogging a few miles to sweat that hatred out.

   Every woman has a psycho gene inside her. It just takes the right mix of alcohol and man to bring it out.

   Everyone is addicted to something that takes away the pain.

   That which does not kill you, disappoints me.

   I used to think Adam Sandler is funny, but then I turned 10.

   Relationships are all about finding someone that completely trusts you. In other words, naive.

   My heart says yes but my wife says no!

   Nothing has ever bothered me more than when a math question ended with “how many people does it take?” and your answer had a fraction.

   I always cry after sex. God, I hate prison!

   Call me an optimist, but one day I hope to see changes in the Arab world. Like freedom of speech, democracy or someone smiling in public.

   Pro Tip: If a girl asks you about your plans, there's a good chance she wants to be apart of them.

   I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.

   "Love me. Love me more. More. More. More! Damn you over did it, bye!" - Women

   Your lack of a Facebook Photo makes some wonder if you are shy, a wanted criminal or just intensely unattractive.