Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Idiots who have lift kits on their trucks and have over 22 inch rims use Axe on their tires.

   I just apologized to a bug for killing it and I instantly became a Canadian citizen.

   Apple is suing the family of Sir Isaac Newton on the grounds he had no right using the apple to prove the theory of gravity

   Somehow ended up falling asleep reading about plant sexuality last night. Gotta watch out for those polygamodioecious ones. Freaks.

   walking by the gas price sign at the Gas station and remembers the day when he could afford to drive to the gas station for his slushy

   Which is worse news this AM, Justin Beiber might have a love child or Herman Cain's believes China doesn't have nukes?

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   “Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.”

   wondering, can I still use the big stall if my handicap is being emotionally crippled?

   Yes, Yes, YES! Not entirely sure what a "propriate" is, but apparently I'm in it...

   The soundtrack to my life would just be the sound of a single car door shutting. Every. Single. Weekend.

   I'm pretty sure my reasoning skills are defective

   Wine gets better with age? Obviously wasn't an alcoholic that figured that out.

   Even if I hit the gym hard, the best I could hope for is to be 1950's Tarzan shape.

   I make good girls go back to the ex they still have feelings for.

   When I'm walking in the dark I widen my eyes as if making them bigger will make me see better.

   stands mighty in an elite group, Procrastinators! The leaders of tomorrow

   enjoying the fourth of july, the most american holiday of them all. And what do we do as americans? we drink beer owned by Belgians. (Bud) beer by south Africans, (miller) we eat polish sausages, and shoot fireworks from the Chinese.

   Sometimes I think I got away with all the alcohol I've drank...but then I drool mid thought and realize...nope.

   Ive waited in line an entire hour to vote, Ended up voting for some guy named Master Chief.