Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Ending sentences with prepositions is not something I have a problem with.

   Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?

   Turns out, no matter how many Oreos you can fit into your mouth at one time, this doesn't need to come up in a job interview.

   You know what's easier than applying sunscreen? Not going outside.

   If your depressed about the world, remember that sea otters hold hands so they dont float away while sleeping

   You do know that you stand a better chance of being attacked by a polar ninja than winning the megamillions

   I bet karate experts have a tough time convincing their enemies to lie down flat between two cinder blocks.

   Sometimes I wish I didn't live with this curse of being so awesome.

   I wear gasoline for cologne because women love the smell of money.

   The clearer your conscience, the more likely you are to answer a call from an unknown number.

   We all need to make a pact right now that there will be riots if Hollywood tries to remake The Goonies

   I've just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn't need my assistance, so I'm going back to bed

   Wetting the bed is embarrassing enough as it is. I could do without the laughs from these jerks at Mattress Warehouse

   Shouldn't somebody else blow out the candles when it's a fireman's birthday?

   The "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" theme caused me to start a lot of fights hoping I'd be shipped off to rich relatives.

   I would pay good money for a painting of Snoop Dogg and Dog the Bounty Hunter playing poker.

   with all due respect, officer, you were also going that fast.

   I like my women the way I like my coffee. Yup, I like blonde slutty coffee with low self esteem and huge boobs

   Lead singers, don't hold the mic out and ask us to sing the chorus. We paid money to watch you do that.

   Today's agenda: get out of bed fast enough to see my body imprint in the memory foam matress before it disappears.