aaron Funny Status Messages

   Thats the last time I ever sleep with an elementary teacher. I woke up with a great job sticker on my stomach.

   I tried exercise but I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.

   Do what you love, but run like hell as soon as you hear the sirens.

   all I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.

   I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

   It's really hard raising a child by yourself, I don't know how my T.V. does it.

   You're annoying, but honestly, I've been annoyed by better.

   The brain has around 100 billion neurons in it. Makes you think

   No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.

   The Karma cafe has no menus. You get served what you deserve.

   “Come on, dude. Grow a pear.” - farmer to a barren tree

   I have no problem with you speaking your mind,,, as long as you can do it with your mouth closed.

   Homeless people have been known to step outside the box.

   I rate that sharks circle before attacking because humans taste better without sh*t in them.

   Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.

   1990: call me on the new line in my room 2000: call me on my mobile flip phone 2015: don't call me

   My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.

   "We are upping our standards... so up yours!"

   when your life flashes before your eyes, make sure you've got plenty to watch.

   New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....