Funny Status Messages

   Butterflies in the belly and weak knees...The 2 best feeling in the world!

   Here is a great way to manage people; look for the good in them and then tell them about it.

   When I was a boy, we didn't bail countries out. We took their land.

   Some "smart phone." Can't even tell the difference between a "Missed Call" and a "Purposely Ignored and Sent Straight to Voicemail" one.

   Tell me... What came first the chicken or the salmonella?

   The first person who was used for a silhouette must have been ridiculously ugly. "Woah, change of plans. Instead of a portrait, how about we just take the shadow of your face?"

   Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.

   I'm getting my "Happy Halloween" out of the way right now. I will probably be too hungover to remember or care tomorrow

   Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.

   I bet those adults that remind others of how many shopping days were the kids that reminded the teacher to give homework at the end of class.

   Bill Clinton Joins Cast of The Hangover 2

   Telling me I can't is like asking me to prove you wrong!

   I like the way you think. It's almost as if you don't.

   I'm a much better fighter now that I have a blackbelt. I was f-kin hopeless when my trousers kept falling down.

   Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

   Facebook is Big Brother. lol To NOT share all your info with other websites, go to Account>Privacy Settings> Applications and Websites> and UNCHECK "Instant Personalization"

   It's kinda bad when other drunk drivers are lookin over at you like "Damn that dude really needs to pull it together"

   I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with keyboards

   call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

   Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike.