goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   I take an on ramp to the freeway as if I'm heading to the checkered flag...wish everyone else did!!

   I'm trying not to judge, but your silver front teeth scream "Medi-Cal".

   I need to get a gun rack for the work truck to hold two things important in my life right now...job prints and my fishing pole.

   Hey Janet Lehman, how about I send you MY program for free? It's called a BELT!! You're welcome

   May those who love us love us, and those who do not love us, may God turn their hearts. And if he cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so that we may know them by their limping.

   Just once, I'd like to look at the ingredients of a bottled water and see the words "Sea Monkeys".

   Today's irony: listening to Skynard's "That smell" as I'm driving by Harris Beefs stockyard.

   I almost caused an accident trying to open a piece of candy. Can you imagine dying over a Lemon Starburst? #ultimatefail

   When first talking to your kids about Santa, don't say he's God's drunk brother in law. Trust me...

   In light of the higher gas prices, the rapper "Fifty-Cent" will now be known as 1/16th of a Gallon. That is all...

   I think my pet bird just called me a murderer.

   There will soon come a time were I can not voice my OPINION by saying,"I HATE vile Brussels Sprouts!!" For fear of offending Farmers and the general population. So consider yourselves informed.

   Just got pulled over for going 73mph in a 55mph. After the 20 min lecture the Officer said he was giving me a warning as he handed me a slip to sign... I looked at him puzzled so he says "April Fools!"...jerk

   Signing off, my Wife says I need to finish my bath. Peace out Peeps

   I'm gon' do it, gon' do it Gon' do it, do it, do it

   Funny fat guy fall on face! -The Hangover

   If your name is on your shirt, you are considered lower class. If it's on the door where you work you're middle class. If it's on the building, upper class(looks at shirt) Crap!!!

   If your significant other wont swallow the milk left over in a bowl of cereal, chances are that's not all they won't swallow.

   I BUY all my cassettes at truck stops. Suck it SOPA

   If you want to insure you work in the field, bring something that needs to be microwaved for lunch :/