Snotty Funny Status Messages

   A friend that steals your tortilla chips is, Nacho friend.

   Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction,,, I hope there's no hard feelings

   "Is that your dog?".... "No, actually she's adopted... We were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"

   The winner of the Scripps National Spelling Bee is awarded an engraved trophy... The loser is given an ingraived plack.

   Well,,, We are Definitely not getting our security deposit back for this planet.

   Hell hath no fury like a woman who didn't get an answer to the question you didn't hear her ask from upstairs

   I'm giving out ex-lax with ghosts on them for Halloween,,, so it comes back to haunt them.

   "I ain't fallin for THIS CRAP"................ *Pavlov's cat

   The work day would be so much more fun if it were Casualty Friday

   With my grandkids, I just assume that any word they use that I don't understand is a Pokemon creature.

   Well... It's taken 3 hours to glue a top hat & cane to this frog but still no "hello my baby, hello my honey" song & dance... Cartoons lie kids

   Well,,, You don’t see as many people in the third world with a ‘slow metabolism’??,,,, do ya!

   AWE YEAH,,, I just washed my dog with Axe body wash... He's gonna to get ALL DA B!TCHES

   It's not embarrassing that you're still writing 2014 on your checks... What you should be ashamed of, is that you still write checks.

   FYI: A ton of people is only like ten or fifteen people.... or 5 Wal-mart customers

   Crap. Got another Canadian quarter in change. But I’m a clever one; now it’s the Salvation Army’s problem.

   "I don't want to talk about it, so I posted some lyrics for you to decipher about how it's your fault." ~ girls

   If you can start the toilet paper roll without clawing it like a velociraptor then of course,, you're a witch.

   French vanilla is just like regular vanilla except it smokes too much cigarettes and doesn't bathe.

   Wife: Do you want something for dinner?,, Me: What are my choices?,,, Wife: Yes or No.