Funny Status Messages

   My memory foam has amnesia

   it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?

   Spent the last twenty minutes trying to get my sideburns even and now I'm sporting a Mohawk!

   How long do you have to be ignorant before you start experiencing bliss ?

   I got pulled over again. The cop said "I'm going to need to see your license and registration." I said "You guys seriously need to get a grip. One day you take my license and the next day you ask to see it."

   If you are paying $3.00 for Smart Water, it isn't working.

   Just discovered that spilling hot coffee in your lap wakes you up faster then drinking it.

   I bet the hardest part of being a server is having to wait until people's mouths are full before asking them how the food is.

   I like to reassure my wife that even though I don't have big muscles she is always safe with me cause I'm a really loud screamer.

   Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Birthday Jesus without a Facebook reminder.

   If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't.

   I'm at my most walk of shame when I'm wearing sweatpants heading back to the buffet for the third time.

   One of the hazards of sheep farming must be trying to stay awake while taking inventory.

   Germans are going to be hit with large fines if they invade someone else's space! 80 years too late if you ask me?

   Imagine surviving Covid19 then China releases Covid19S Plus Pro

   I just put a bra on for the first time in a week and nearly dislocated my shoulder.

   I’d exercise more often if running didn’t spill the whiskey in my glass.

   Man it's already half way through the year. Time flies when the world is falling apart.

   So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?

   I don’t know which meme to get my news from today