Funny Status Messages
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I'm starting to suspect that they print "EZ Open Package" on stuff just to make us all feel stupid. 
Girlfriend
I had the right to remain silent, I just didn't have the ability.
A cult is an unpopular religion. A religion, is a popular cult.
It's a cult. You're a cult member.
Oklahoma Trump Supporter Who Shared Fake Pictures Depicting Kamala Harris with Jeffrey Epstein, Damion Surles, has Been Arrested for Child R***.
But let's talk about some random guy that Biden pardoned last year who got in trouble for drugs again.
Maybe the tubby no-life loooooser who lives in his parents basement and continually makes fun of GaryKoenig's status updates, should come up something original of their own. Instead of just attacking other people.
You annonymous dumbf*ck.
Four Am*rican soldiers are missing in Lithuania, and the "president" didn't even know about it. Because the guy in charge of the military? Is yet another f**king M*G* MORON.
$16 jeans from Amazon: easier than doing laundry.
I just saved a bundle on my heating bill by switching my thermostat off.
If sports were board games, The NHL would be Chess, the NBA would be Checkers, MLB would be Trivial Pursuit and the NHL would be Candyland.
It doesn't require artificial intelligence to know that artificial sweeteners taste bad.
I'm tired of winter! I want to fast-forward to complaining about how hot it is!
Post the four words every girl wants whispered in her ear.
Why do people say, "Tuna fish sandwich"? Nobody says, "Chicken Bird Sandwich".
If the UK held a femininity contest between Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneres, they'd both lose.
Justin Eichorn now? It's all over the news.
You're all the same. Every single one of you.
Psssst, he doesn't give a damn about Isreal.
Another day of Vetrans meltdowns! I'm lovin' it!
You fought for a piece of sh*t country and now thanks to its "leader" you're getting bu**ered up the *ss. You fought for the wrong side, losers tee hee
I hear lots of jokes I can steal.
Oops! Mommy's little darling is up and at it. By up and at it, I mean doing daddy in the shower. 