Funny Status Messages

   We would like to offer a heartfelt THANK YOU to the people of Greenland for not welcoming JD Vance and his hooker wife.

   My super power is being able to sing along to Pearl Jam without knowing a single word

   I’ve got chicken fingers and a McRib, a few more parts and my monster will be complete.

   If someone doesn’t reply to my text I can only assume they have fallen down a well and will get back to me as soon as they can

   Our childhood didn't prepare us for the amount of time we were going to say F^CK as adults

   I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag..

   Jeffrey Dahmer's bologna had a first name , it was Steven !

   S.H.I.T......So Happy It's Thursday!...Some of you just got to get that mind out of the gutter...

   The officer asked, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" And we just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.

   The pool supply sales lady told me I should shock my swimming pool once a week, so I keep showing it my senior picture.

   The fact that Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to the Canadian people.

   Now that I've gotten older I've come to realize why Bigfoot stays away from people.

   I accidentally ate the sticker on an apple. The scan code is inside me and there's now a beep every time I check out at the grocery store.

   Prophecy class canceled due to unforeseen circumstances.

   Likes his own stuff and not funny

   Transginger. I don't have red hair, But I'll think could rock it.

   That first kiss in the morning is so special, and my dog enjoys it too.

   Terraria has awoken

   TITAN? More like TiN cAN. RIP Explorers

   Reached that age where everything I think happened 4-5 years ago really happened in 2003.