Funny Status Messages

   You know it's going to be a crappy day when it starts with sneezing while brushing your teeth.

   He promised us he'll be back in office on August 13th. I have a feeling this won't be a white lie, but an orange lie.

   I may be unhinged now but at one point I was “a pleasure to have in class”

   Santa Clause said to support gays. Now what am I gonna do? My two favorite omni-present imaginary dieties are contradicting eachother!

   I don't think I can name one unemployed coal miner who has gotten a job in the last 10 months.

   A new study found that drinking pop is just as bad for your teeth as using meth. However, pop is still less likely to make you live under a bridge with a guy named Snake.

   A big nose is no excuse to not wear a mask. I still wear pants.

   I’ll climb down out of this tree when people stop referring to common sense as a life hack

   Spent the entire night trying to create a website for women drivers, but it kept crashing..

   No surprise Penn State is in the bad news category again, they are a conservative school. Smh.....

   correction: says confidence is the way to a woman's heart, or atleast into her pants

   wondering... if my mom fell down in the woods would all the trees laugh?

   if a white NFL player spanked his kid, then that would be ok according to the dorks here

   Karate is a Japanese word that means "My kid can't hit a baseball."

   Dear women's basketball, your 15 minutes of fame is over. See you in a few years.

   You know it was a rough night when your iPhone X doesn't recognize your face in the morning...

   didn't attend the funeral, but she sent a nice letter saying she approved of it.

   When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.

   Don't spell part backwards.. it's a trap

   Prepare for what you can't Predict & Adapt for what you can't Control.