ff1241 Funny Status Messages

   Head banging to rock music doesn't have the same effect when your bald. Ask me how I know this.

   People must do well to remember that a nose belongs on the face and not stuck in SOME OTHER PLACE.

   A camp fire is alot like masterbation. As long as you have wood you can keep yourself entertained. But when its gone the fun is over.

   If I ever own a bar I'm going to name it "church". I'll also get a Mexican bartender named Jesus.

   My life is like this. I need a spoon but the only thing they offer are chopsticks.

   Lets just say I like my milk without the chunks. Don't ask me how I know this.

   AR15 rifle with scope- $1,600, 900 Rds of Lake City XM193 AF 5.56 loaded in 30 magazines $600, Emergency food suplies $1000, Cost of everything during the zombie apocalypse = Priceless

   Ladies, you can't be the first, but you can be the next.

   I'm glad people have the confidence to wear revealing clothing but sometimes your confidence is NOT very pleasant to look at.

   If its Friday night and she lifts up her skirt and her panties say Saturday. She is staying the night.

   having a staring contest with a bottle of Jack.

   The smoke smell you might have been smelling today was from Minnesota Viking fans burning their Brett Farve jerseys.

   as pissed off as being in the express checkout land behind an old laldy, with too many items, using coupons for every item, and with a new clerk calling for a price check.

   Only dead fish go with the flow.

   New Years Eve – one of the only days when it is socially acceptable to start drinking this early. I just hope I'll be sober enought to drive from work to the bar.

   I like animals more than people. Mind you I also kill, skin, butcher, and eat animals.

   If you eat smores with a knife and fork you have no soul.

   I'm not drunk I'm just German

   Was told to set an example. So I picked to be a bad example

   and took him out. This is NOT an Obama victory, but an AMERICAN victory!!