@OMFG_Rel8able Funny Status Messages

   Good new and bad news. Bad news: No good news. Good news: No bad news.

   Emergency call: "911, What is your emergency?" "Two girls are fighting over me!" "So what's the problem sir?" "The ugly one is winning..."

   Definition of bravery: Trying to fart when you have diarrhea.

   WHERE YOUR PEN GOES WHEN YOU DROP IT 3% right where you dropped it 5% 10 feet away from you 92% into another dimension never to be seen again.

   "Is there gonna be food?" "Yup!" "Ok I'm on my way"

   When Someone Asks For Candy That I'm Eating, I Give Them The Flavor I Don't Like

   When FB stalking someone & I find out their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

   Appreciate the little things. Hug a midget

   I got a dig bick. You this read wrong. You that read wrong too. And too that.

   I'm not shy, I'm holding back my awesomeness, so I don't intimidate you ;P

   Dear anyone who can finish an eraser, chapstick, and a pencil, without losing it: You're my idol!

   My manners disappear the more I have to repeat something. "Can you pass me the pen? The pen, can you pass it? Hello? GIVE ME THE F**KING PEN!!!"

   Nothing says "I'm a fat b@stard" like wearing a T-shirt in a swimming pool.....

   That yellow shirt looks good on you... It really brings out the color in your teeth.

   ...Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!

   Friend: Whatcha eating? Me: alphabet soup. Friend: looks like spaghetti to me. Me: It's in Arabic

   Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk.

   At my funeral when they're lowering me into the ground I demand they play "Drop it like its hot"!!!

   “Can I use your phone to call my mom?” “Yeah, just hit redial…

   Nobody Dates Anymore, Everybody has a ``Thing" with someone