Maureen Funny Status Messages

   Always be yourself, unless you can be a penguin. Then always be a penguin.

   Just so you know...weather conditions where simultaneously wearing shorts and Uggs is acceptable - NEVER EXIST!

   would like to go see Magic Mike, but only to explore the narrative, artistic, cultural, economic, and political implications of the film.

   doesn't want to die, but if I have to, I hope to die in a way so spectacular they name a new piece of protective legislation after me.

   Woke up this morning swearing I could smell pancakes, but it seems I was just smellucinating.

   finds that I tend to say “I don't know” when I'm too lazy to think.

   would imagine there really isn't any market for sea shells down by the sea shore considering the abundance of free sea shells.

   Whenever I am faced with a challenge, I ask myself, “What would Phil Dunphy do?”

   If I can`t easily reach what I dropped…I begin to justify why I don`t need it.

   living in a van down by the river!

   understands the concept of housework, but has difficulty grasping how it applies to me!

   wonders why we can't just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?

   This delicious brownie just accepted my friend request!

   The side effects of the medicine I just took include nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, repeating things four times & difficulty adding.

   If you say “gullible” slow enough…it sounds like “orange”!

   would agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

   This healthy bran cereal tastes just like bacon because I threw it away and am now eating bacon.

   enjoys long, romantic walks to my fridge!

   thinks animal testing is a terrible idea; what if they get all nervous and give the wrong answers?

   operating a safe distance from genius this morning.