joseph Robert Funny Status Messages

   #OscarsGoWhite??? More N igs just crying b/c they want something they don't deserve. What BS!

   Dear girl at the bar with the smokin body, long tan legs and amazing knockers, your face looks like a man so I bet you get it from behind a lot. #KeepinItReal

   What's more shocking than finding out Shirley Temple has died? Finding out Shirley Temple was still alive.

   Dear media: please stop rhyming things with the word "Gate"

   If I ever get a really exotic car I'm going to get a vanity plate that says something like "Bubble King" or "Tuna Money" so people could wonder what the hell I ever did with bubbles or tuna to finance a car like that

   On a dark dessert highway, Cool Whip in my hair....

   some of you people are taking the term Fat Tuesday way too seriously

   Picking a wedding reception venue is a lot like picking a college - I'm looking for a good place to drink, hang out with my friends and get laid

   Earth Day sounds like birthday, and that just makes me want cake. So thanks for making me fat Earth Day

   Sorry Oscar, I had a date with Glenn and Rick and Daryl and Herschel

   Dear girls at the gym, skinny doesn't fix ugly

   Pee is the enemy of sleep

   gues she finally exhaled

   I don't know why they need a whole month, they get the busiest Friday of the year

   Marsha Brady is gonna freak when she finds out that Davy Jones died

   Every day is only a beer away from being a good one

   If days of the week were people, Mondays would be gingers

   I have failed to remove all the jellies. I have shamed myself, and my ancestors.

   a black guy in a horror movie has a better chance to survive than a white girl in aruba

   Waking up a 6yr old for school is a lot like AOL Online. Its slow, it whines and all progress is easily lost by electronic interference.