Maureen Funny Status Messages

   "Hello Wednesday morning....for a moment, I thought you were your friend, Friday! Forgive the disappointed look!"

   My son informed me that he does NOT lie. He simply creates fiction with his mouth from time to time.

   has come to realize that my job is like an episode of "LOST". Confusing, filled with a lot of interesting characters and just when I think I have it figured out - everything changes.

   freely admits that I don't know how to play Minesweeper - I just click random boxes hoping I'm right.

   thinks my three “uh huhs” in a row should prove that I haven't heard a word you said!

   just here to establish my alibi.

   Oh, I'm so sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

   When I die, I have made my husband promise to update my FB status with “Who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?!?”

   Let me put things into perspective for you....persp(things)ective....​you're welcome!

   Before you judge Mitt Romney, try walking a mile in his backyard.

   Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance: the five stages of me getting up every morning!

   Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

   ever since watching the SNL skit, I can never hear BOC's "Don't Fear The Reaper" without thinking - "Man, that song could use some more cowbell!"

   turns out I don't know the back of my hand as well as I thought I did.

   will never be an Olympic athlete...but I did participate in a Toyotathon once!

   gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "Who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"

   been making the same mistakes for so long that I've taken to just calling them "my traditions!"

   makes a mean cup of coffee! This one just told me I'm not as funny as I think I am.

   swears that about a third of my life is spent trying to remember why I have entered a room.

   Not all that glitters is gold. Take, for instance, glitter.