Equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   Whenever I say the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with pie!

   needs beer and a violent redhead with handcuffs

   Someday i'll live in my OWN basement!

   When you wake up at 3am for no reason, there is an 80% chance that someone is staring at you...

   If I die at walmart, PLEASE, drag my body to Cabella's

   Are you stalking me? Cause that would be awesome!

   i like that you try to compete with me. At least you have a goal...unrealistic and unatainable, but at least its a goal!

   You're as useless as the G in Lasagna

   Stop undressing me with your eyes...use your teeth

   she said she was not comfortable watching me masturbate. So I told her to take a different bus.

   I will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia.

   it's ok if you disagree with me, I can't force you to be right.

   I am NOT playing "Hard-to-Get". I'm playing "I-Don't-Want-You"

   I am always confused when I see a status message that isn't about me.

   a ventriloquist. I can put my hand up your skirt and make your lips move!

   "I hate Tacos!" Said no Juan ever

   I'm sorry I took your daughters virginity. It won't happen again.

   Karma means I can sleep at night, knowing that everyone I mistreated today had it coming!

   I could eat a bowl of Alphabet soup and poop out a better arguement!

   i want to listen to you, but i'm really thinking about snacks.