@topherjordan Funny Status Messages

   I was born at a very early age.

   I just spelled something so badly that my autocorrect had to LOL.

   Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.

   Your bra is the biggest liar I know.

   I can't sleep knowing that a sexy girl is horny somewhere.

   I'm one excuse away from calling you.

   I'm only going to be online until I get off.

   I was raised by two really amazing parents, so you can only imagine how much work I had to do to turn out to be this $@^#&! of a person.

   When you think about it, it's probably best not to think about it.

   I know my limit....until I start drinking

   You can't beat a beautiful woman who sings, well, uh, unless you're Chris Brown

   Here's a shout out to all my friends that like shout outs!

   I found a big piece of pie in the fridge late last night with a note that said, "Don't eat me"....Now there's an empty plate with a new note that says, "Don't tell me what to do!"

   My objective is to die young...as late in life as possible...

   I slept like a baby last night! (I woke up crying because I was hungry)

   If there is an afterlife, I will spend all of it in the statistics archives looking up how many beers I drank, hours I spent on fb, etc...

   You can forget about me trying to get into your pants, I can barely squeeze into my own!

   I ate a cigarette last night cause I thought it was a fry.