joseph Robert Funny Status Messages

   Tom Cruise has finally reached the 71st level of Scientology, Divorce

   This Halloween, the only Candy I'm interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues

   These people on my Facebook aren't really friends, just more of a wish list of people I want to sleep with

   I've officially met everyone's mother yesterday via Facebook so I'm pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies

   Breaking news: future editions of Monopoly will feature interchangable spaces for what are now Income Tax and Luxury Tax. Players will have the option to choose from the words "Tax," "Penalty," or "Fine," because, clearly, words no longer have meanings

   Annie was an orphan because she was a filthy, disgusting, ginger child who wouldn't stop singing

   Someone needs to tell my apt building that tapping the handle on a shower nozzle shouldn't change the temperature by thousands of degrees at once

   I would love to put all the girls I slept with in one room to see if they can figure out what they all had in common

   I bet shady people have a really hard time getting tan

   Did anyone else feel that? Oprah must be fat again

   kids are like farts, I can barely stand my own let alone other peoples

   Thursday: Friday's younger, yet equally attractive sister

   Breasts, great on chicks, AND turkeys

   Funny how the russians are so anti gay, yet they got a metal in mens figure skating

   Hey guy walking down the street talking on bluetooth with a bag in one hand and nothing in the other, please use your free hand to slap yourself

   Biden's son, another example of someone out douching their douchey parent

   First 20 mins of my day: I don't wanna get in the shower, I don't wanna get in the shower. Next 20 mins of my day: I don't wanna get out of the shower, I don't wanna get out of the shower...

   Nuke the Chinese! ...I mean microwave the take out

   I bet socks and disposable contact lenses have abandonment issues

   RIP Joan Rivers. She was 80 years old. Her nose was 31, and her lips sadly were only 22. So young!