gay jeffery Funny Status Messages

   To save time on playing board games in my family, dad would take the game out of the box and go directly to the throwing it at the wall part

   I always introduce the women I date to my mom right away. It would be awkward if I didn't, she's the one who drives us to the restaurant.

   I bet Biggie and Tupac would be impressed by how Drake and Chris Brown are having a tweet war.

   If we're gonna take this relationship to the next level, at some point you'll have to loosen my straps

   yes, people who are incredible still have to take out the trash - Mrs. Hulk

   ok boys The proper response to give when a girl at the bar agrees to give you her phone number is not "wow, really?"

   I thought I saw Keira Knightley laying by the side of the road but it turned out to be a fallen tree branch.

   Police officer: "license and registration" Me: "DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS!?" Police officer: No Me: "me neither".

   I win a lot of arm wrestling matches because of my technique of looking my competitor in the eye while playing footsie under the table.

   i got stoned yesterday, tough crowds in Iran

   When people ask me "How's life?", I sing them the chorus of Akon's Lonely while crying and slowly walk away.

   The same fat ass who won't get off the couch for days will look like an Olympic speed walker when the pizza guy rings the doorbell.

   My dream job would be taking a baseball bat to the knees of anyone parked in a handicapped spot who shouldn't be

   Anyone that says "time is money" has never tried pay for a beer with 15 minutes.

   Sometimes I like to walk next to people and sync with their step

   Ive decided I'm going to be a better person starting now until the next time I check facebook.

   I'm sorry, I thought you said you wanted multiple organisms. I'll return the petri dishes back to the lab.

   "LMAO!!" - Magneto, when he was confronted by Iron Man.

   “Get off my balcony!!” — What my neighbor used to say to pigeons. Sometimes to me.

   At this point, group photos of Aerosmith are indistinguishable from publicity stills for a roadshow of "Cats"