KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn't dilute in the shower.

   You know you're getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.

   A walk of shame is always sad. Don't make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.

   Don't worry; it's only kinky the first time.

   Someone called me selfish and then paused as if they expected me to argue.

   Lol @ the dude buying condoms and getting his card declined. He just got c**k blocked by Visa.

   It's so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.

   Dear London Rioters: There is a big damn difference between, rioting for Freedom, and rioting for Free Stuff.

   Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with Facebook.

   How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?

   I would walk over Legos for you.

   I'm on a quest around the world to find Bigfoot. I'd originally set out to find cheap gas, but I decided to keep my goals realistic

   Love is.......having sex with someone when you're sober.

   Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.

   Aside from being hit and struck by a Smooth Criminal, how are you emotionally, Annie?

   I felt special… until I saw you talk to every other guy like that.

   People would never be late if the Mario "running out of time" music started playing a few minutes before.

   To people who say love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?

   I overheard my neighbor telling someone on the phone that I am creepy and wierd. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under her bed and confront her.

   Be the girl that all the guys want. Not the girl all the guys HAD.